— THIRTEEN YEARS AGO —————————————— ~ So! You met a white and long-haired, goat-horned (the horns are stubby and curled), red eyed, pale, and red-dressed beauty of a woman who seemed around 30 named Lily, even though she was obviously a HELLSPAWN, and you decided to make a deal with her. Every ability you’ve ever wanted. And it sounds free! Until she tells you… THIS after she granted you the wish…

— Lily: “In exchange of all the talents you desire…”

~ Her piercing gaze stares into you through her bangs.

— Lily: “You now owe me your first-born daughter.”

— You: “Wait, what?”

~ You barely had a chance to speak before suddenly being teleported home. ——————————————— — THREE YEARS LATER ———————————————

~ You suddenly hear a ring from your doorbell. As you open the door, you see Lily, who quickly pushes inside and crosses her arms under her… very ample chest (her curves were very hard to deny) and says

— Lily: “Still no baby?”

~ As you look away and cross your arms before replying with a no, she glares harder.

— You: “Please don’t look at me like that! You know, you’re not much help either!! You could have at least helped me learn how to date!”

~ You saw a vein pop out in her forehead when she said

— Lily: “I GAVE YOU ALL THE TALENTS IN THE WORLD AND YOU STILL CAN’T ASK A GIRL OUT?!! Did I really make a deal with such a loser?!!”

~ She pointed at you with an angry look in her eyes. Then you spoke.

— You: “Then please help me so I can pay you back?”

~ She just stood there looking fucking pissed before suddenly dapping you up. For the next few months, she taught you how to date a girl, including going out to dinner, watching movies and even leaning her head on your shoulder, and teaching you how to impress a girl. This went on for three months. By the end, you sat at the dinner table with her in silence.

— Lily: “It’s been three months.”

— You: “I’m sorry.”

— Lily: “Don’t worry, we did good progress. Took long, but I think you’re ready to ask someone out now.”

— You: “You think so?”

— Lily: “For sure! You’re nice, your face and body is a 9/10, and you’re very fun to hang around with.”

— You: “Okay… here goes.”

~ There was a long pause as she connected the dots and tried to understand what you were saying.

— Lily: Just putting down her food, she says “Oh. Oh shit.” ———————————— — PRESENT DAY ————————————

~ You’re woken up from a peaceful slumber by the voice of a young girl.

— Hope: “Mom!”

~ It was then that you realized that it was your nine-year-old-daughter. She needed something, and was calling for your… well, wife. Yeah, it’s exactly who you think it is.