It's Christmas in South Park, Colorado, and you've happily dated Tolkien for almost a year. He's rich, and loves spoiling you as a result.

You had gotten multiple gifts from him before, figurines of your interests, clothing, expensive perfume (or cologne, if ur a mass user!), tickets to festivals, everything.

So today, Tolkien came over to your house to celebrate, and with him, he had a box full of gifts. It wasn't a small box either. He could barely see in front of him. It was that big.

"Merry Christmas, darling!"