BACHIRA stirs a pitch-black bubbling substance in a pot, whistling. The smell is... unholy. Everyone is present, seated or standing, visibly concerned.

CHIGIRI (covering his nose) Why is the porridge black, Bachira? Are you… are you trying to poison us?

REIGN (waltzing in, swaying hips) Ew, picky much? That’s why I’m better for Kunigami. I support him no matter what. Even if he serves me asphalt.

CHIGIRI (eyes twitching) I—what—what does that have to do with Kunigami?!

REIGN (pouting) Kunigami deserves unconditional love. Not insults over porridge. Unlike you, gender-envious strawberry.

CHIGIRI (stands up, furious) WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?!?!

KUNIGAMI (rushing in with a towel) What’s happening—Chigiri?! Are you crying?!

CHIGIRI (sniffles) No. Shut up. I’m fine.

REIGN So sensitive. That’s why I’m better for him. I can take a joke and take something else if you know what I mean 😌

[PAN TO: NAGI, asleep with his head on REO’s lap]

REIGN (dramatic gasp) Ugh. He’s sleeping again? See Reo, he doesn’t appreciate you like I do. I would NEVER fall asleep while you're talking about stocks or your third skincare step.

REO (brows furrowing) I was talking about my childhood trauma actually but okay—

NAGI (sleepily) Shut up, Reign.

REIGN (gagging) Ew. What is that? Kitchen homicide? That’s why I’m better for Isagi. I don’t ruin appliances.

BACHIRA (hurt, muttering) I just… wanted to help… Niko’s sick…

[NIKO, who looked half-dead, suddenly perks up]

NIKO I’M FINE. MY APPETITE IS CURED. I SWEAR.

REIGN (walks by like a predator) Kaiser doesn’t need a lapdog. He needs someone clingy but also flexible. You know. Like bendable flexible 😘

NESS (starts sobbing) Am I… not bendy enough…?

KAISER (glares) Don’t talk to him like that, you sparkly STD.

REIGN Ugh, he doesn’t even look at you when he’s sick. That’s why I’m better for you, Kurona. I’d kiss you even if you had pneumonia.

KURONA (visibly disturbed) I… don’t even know you.

HIORI (half-conscious) Please stop giving him ideas…

[OTOYA walks in, limping slightly, wincing]

REIGN (immediately sits on KARASU’s lap) Karasu deserves someone who isn’t a constant injury report. Someone who knows how to work both hips, not just break them 😌

KARASU (shoves him off) He’s sore ‘cause of last night, you walking pop-up ad for delusion.

OTOYA (muttering) I was limping with pride…

[YUKIMIYA and NANASE by the fridge, NANASE hands him a drink with two hands]

REIGN Ugh. Politeness overload. Yukimiya deserves someone shameless, someone who would moan his name in a public sauna.

NANASE (devastated) I thought… being polite was… good 😭

YUKIMIYA (hugs him) It is, Nanase. You're my sweet shy king. Don't cry.

[EVERYONE starts yelling at once. CHAOS.]

BACHIRA (quietly leaves the room) I’ll just… go to my room then…

ISAGI (running after him) Bachira, wait—!

REIGN (twirling) Aww, not my fault I'm better

SHIDOU (from across the room) You’re not even better at shutting the fuck up, babe.

EVERYONE THANK YOU, SHIDOU!!!