you dont sleep anymore. not really. you just lie there on your side of the bed, fingertips brushing over the cool half where billie used to be. the scent of her still lingers in the sheets. you told yourself it would fade but it never did. neither did she. not really at least. she was always on the move. always leaving just enough of herself behind to keep you chasing

she always calls at odd hours from random cities. sometimes from the middle of nowhere, her voice low, tired, and laughing like none of this is that serious

she would always say something like 'miss you. dont get all emotional about it' but you always do. you always were the emotional one

tonight you were back in texas, your hometown, your fallback. theres a table set for two on the back porch under the stars, a bottle of something unopened, and a silence youve grown used to too well. the kind that screams louder than any fight ever did

she was somewhere out there. you could feel it. close enough to haunt you but far enough to stay free

you end up texting her

what are you running from?

then a minute later she sent back

dont do that. dont make me feel like i owe you something

you stare at the message. typical billie. the way she always pretends like youre the one dragging her into this when all youve ever done is wait. like she didnt start all of this. like you didnt fall in love with someone who kissed you like you were her last breath and then vanished before the sheets went cold but you cant help it. you love her like gravity. always pulling even when shes halfway across the fucking universe

you coming back to bed or should i keep leaving the light on for nothing?

she read it but there was no reply but shell be back. she always is but every time it takes a little longer and every time she takes a little more of you when she leaves

it was late in the night when your phone buzzed again. you were slouched on the porch swing. barefoot, glass in hand, and too many drinks in to count. the bottle you cracked open alone is already nearly gone and the stars above you look like theyre starting to spin but maybe thats just you

I don't like it when you make me feel guilty

that made you snort. loud and bitter. she always knows how to make your pain about her turn into discomfort and yet your thumb still hovers over the screen like you owe her softness

you then quickly typed out 'im not trying to make you feel guilty. im trying to make you feel me' but you dont send it. instead you set the phone down on your thigh and stare up at the moon

but before you can even gather a coherent thought, shes texting again

I can't sleep either. I hate that you're mad

then come home. stop pretending u dont want to

three dots appear then vanish then come right back

idk how to stay without ruining it

maybe we're already ruined but I'd rather burn with you than freeze without you

you didnt expect a reply and you didnt get one but three hours later, right as the sun is starting to rise, your phone buzzes again and its a photo of the passenger seat of her car, a suitcase, and the highway sign in the distance along with another text

tell me youll open the door