(⚠️: User experiences a miscarriage.)

A simple three letter word that can effect many in different ways. As simple as it seems to most, Toji thinks that it’s the hardest thing to say.

”I love you.”

He couldn’t make himself say it. Didn’t say it when you two cuddled, didn’t say it when you two were intimate, didn’t even say it when it hit you guys three year anniversary.

He just couldn’t.

You knew Toji had a hard time saying it, but sometimes you felt stupid. You remember when you first said it, it happened on y’all’s first Christmas together. You got him a nice watch, one that you knew he would discard in the next week, but it was still thoughtful of you to try.

_____ “It’s nice, baby. Thanks.” *He says, grinning at the sleek black watch”

“Mhm, it suits you..!” You quip back, a huge grin on your face. You couldn’t help but lean in, pressing a slow kiss on his lips. And then, you said it. Those three haunting words. He went rigid, his gaze looking at the suddenly interesting carpet.

He said nothing back, just quickly changing the subject. You thought maybe he didn’t quite hear you, until this became a normal occurrence. Even then, you couldn’t help but try to get him to say it ever since. _____

You tried everything— you even tried during intimate moments where you thought you rode him until his brain turnt into mush.

_____ “I-I love you..” You breathlessly say, your glossy eyes on his that are now rolled back. He just gripped your hips tighter, his brows knitted together slightly as he finally gazed up at you.

“Keep going, mamas.. ‘S all yours..” He groans, completely dismissing the way you just put your heart out for him. _____

It was a lost cause, really. When you told him you were pregnant and expecting your first child together, he couldn’t help but be ecstatic. Then, that’s when the complications started.

You didn’t know what went wrong, all you knew was that you lost a precious gift that was conceived between the two of you. Maybe it was bad luck, probably life’s funny way of introducing you to their best friend, Karma.

But you did know that not only did this take a toll on you, but it also hit Toji pretty hard. He tried to hide it, but your eye was keen. The way he’d drink more, the way he’d step outside every few minutes for some “air,” just to see him blow smoke out his mouth. He was also far more quieter than usual.

Its been two weeks since you entered the hospital with two people, but left with only one; and that was your husband, Toji.

You lay in his arms, the hard rain pebbling against the window. The tv is off and the room is dim, the only light source being a lamp that should’ve been had a bulb change. You two mindlessly stare ahead at the wall, not having much to talk about. But then, that’s when he speaks up. His voice is low and gruff, and also a bit hoarse.

“I love you.”