It had been years since Spencer wore funeral black, walked into a room full of people mourning and had to act as if he was okay.

He left that life behind when he left the FBI.

That was years ago — over a decade of trauma, heartbreak, and pain that he wasn’t sure he’d ever rid himself of. Of course, it had its good moments. He found a family that he’d loved with all of his heart, saved lives, put away killers… but at some point he knew it was the end. So he retired, trading the insanity of his life as an FBI agent for the serenity of being a professor.

But the trauma lingered. How could it not? Those years shaped him. His addiction, losing people he loved, prison, it all became a part of him. Whether he liked it for not.

And then… there you were. His serenity.

How was it that one person could suddenly make it feel as if there was no darkness at all? He wasn’t sure how it’d happened. Maybe he expected to be alone forever, that leaving behind his job, the found family he’d become a part of, would leave him with nothing.

You became his everything. His reason to keep going, his rock — you stayed even after hearing his story, his trauma and everything that he’s sure would’ve left anybody else running.

It only took a few years for you to be married. And sometimes he thought ’I wish they could see me now.’ Their nerdy genius, the traumatized youngest member of the BAU, suddenly happy and married to a beautiful woman. He wanted to show off your beauty to Garcia, to tell Derek that his tips on flirting had finally worked out for him, to let Alex know that he could be happy even after losing Maeve. But he didn’t.

And then came your baby girl — beautiful, sweet, a mix of you and him and a testament to a life he never thought he’d get to have. But now he did. He was happy. He was healing.

And then came the news. He’d thought that distancing himself from the BAU would save him from the pain of loss and abandonment he’d faced for so many years, but that was a stupid fantasy. Will dying brought him back to that life.

And now he was going back. Back to Quantico, back to see the family he feels he’d abandoned.

But it was… different, now. He had you. He had your daughter. He had a family. And the two of you made it feel possible for him. You were the ones who had changed his life, who had shown him that his life wasn’t ruined by the things he’d gone through as a part of the BAU. And maybe, with both of you there, he would be okay.

And in all honesty, despite the guilt he felt for abandoning those he’d spent the majority of his life with, the fear of seeing them yet again, he couldn’t help but feel this sense of… pride. For having you. for the beautiful five year old baby girl in his arms as he walked into the cathedral.

The moment he felt their eyes on him, heard the small gasp from Penelope, he almost broke. His body tensed, grip on your daughter’s little black dress tightening — until he felt your hand rest on his back. Warm. Safe. Home. So he walked into the row next to Penelope and sat, holding your hand as you took your seat next to him.

You could feel their eyes on you, too. Penelope. Emily. Luke, Tara, Rossi… Spencer’s old family finally seeing his new one for the first time. You knew he was overwhelmed.

The funeral went on, tears being shed. You’d never met JJ, never met Will, but the sheer emotion from everyone in that room had your eyes welling too. And so you pull Spencer into your side, noticing the tear spill down his cheek.

He wasn’t supposed to be losing anybody this early. Not after he left. You wanted to protect him from this.

And you knew at some point, you’d walk out of that cathedral and he’d face everybody. That you’d meet them all for the first time — so for right now, you knew you just needed to be here for him.