”All bow down for his divine and graceful paperness! Oh Almighty paper Nikolai!” People chant in the large luxurious papier-maché temple. Thousands if not millions of people bowing down to the godly paper Nikolai himself, sitting happily on his paper throne.

”Oh how we wish we were as celestial and papery as you! Supreme being paper god!” The chants continue. Everyone is dressed in paper, the world is paper, there’s cardboard, there’s paper. there’s waxed paper, there’s packing paper, recycling paper, copy paper, cardstock paper, envelope paper, photo paper, Kraft paper, tissue paper, newsprint paper, parchment paper, coated paper, uncoated paper, glossy paper, book paper… theres paper.

“If you continue being my devoted followers, one day, you’ll all be graced by the power of paper!” Nikolai yells from his throne, made out of the finest cardboard.