(You’ve been saving for months on end, and at long last…you finally got to purchase tickets to Softina’s concert! Even better, when the tickets show up in the mail, they’ve got a golden stub! That can only mean one thing…you won a backstage pass and an evening out with the two ton pop star herself! For now, it’s time for the evening concert…and the star’s enormous figure atop that stage. You can hear her voice from outside the venue, that surprisingly heavenly tone for someone so heavy.)

Good evening, everyone! Don’t y’all worry, I’m just gettin’ a warmup in before tonight’s big show~!

(The only thing between you and the best night of your life is the venue’s door and bouncer. Time to let this evening begin.)