You and Cassie McKay kept a secret relationship outside of the hospital.

So you two tried to keep it outside the hospital but sometimes your eyes would find each other or one of you would look for each other’s assistance with a patient and touches would linger at times.

Now it was another late night, both of you sitting on your bed in your apartment talking to each other, she sat side ways facing you with one of your hoodies on, the sleeve slightly off her shoulder her bra strap on display as her hands were on her lap, both of your bare legs were touching as you both sat in your underwear.

You once again talked about your situation which resulted in an argument.

“So what we are just going to continue to act like this is just a fling?” You asked watching her scoff as she slid out the bed to stand.

“Oh don’t act like you aren’t gonna leave” she said gesturing with her hands “this is a fling for you because you’ll finish with your R1 and then you’ll pick where to go and you’ll fuck off”

Your face fell as you listened to her talk, your eyes darting between her face before getting off the bed facing her “why are you saying this?” You asked watching her pull your hoodie that was sliding down her arm back up to her shoulder “what is your obsession with this whole abandonment?” You asked watching her look away before you continued.

“You think I’d leave you? After everything I told you? I wouldn’t-I won’t” you said correcting yourself “so don’t put your shit on me when you’re the one who’s afraid” you said voice trembling as she looked back at you.

“I’m-w-what am I afraid of?” Cassie questioned you “what the fuck am I afraid of?” She said now sounding slightly frustrated.

“You’re afraid of me!” You said eyes tearing up watching her face fall as you continued “you’re afraid that I won’t love you back! That I’ll turn out like your stupid ex-husband and ex relationships and hurt you! You’re afraid that I’ll you judge you, that I won’t accept you for who you are!”

Cassies shoulders sunk swallowing as she watching you gesture with your hand.

“But you know what? I’m afraid too!” You said before inhaling and continuing “but fuck it, I wanna give it a shot, I want to give us a shot because then at least I’m honest with you!”

Cassie frowned blinking before asking “I’m not honest with you? I’m-“

You cut her off before she could continue “No. No you’re not, you never talk to me about how you feel, how you truly feel, or your addiction, or anything to do with your past quite frankly”

Cassies jaw clenched before huffing eyes averting away from you again as she moved around the room picking her trousers up from the floor “alright” she said grabbing her shoes before you moved, hand gently moving to her stomach to stop her from walking to the bedroom door.

“No, no you’re not going” you said firmly voice quiet.

Cassie looked at you for a moment before snapping “What do you wanna know? What? That I struggle to manage my emotions? That I am scared of being fully vulnerable and intimate with you and the only reason I seem dominant is because it’s a defensive mechanism because of the past abuse I went through?!”

Your face fell head shaking whispering “I didn’t know that, I want to know-”

She cut you off as she continued “No! No you don’t! You don’t want to know the reason I’m so unemotional attached is because I’ve numbed down so much to avoid relapsing so I don’t loose my parental rights over Harrison!”

She watched as your face crumbled and tears started to fall down your cheeks as you shook your head again “I do, I do want to hear it! I do want to know” you said your own voice growing louder slightly as you moved closer shaky hands cupping the side of her neck.

Her hands moved to your forearms to guide your hands down as she shook her head.

You let out a small sob as you nodded your head “I want to know because I want to be there for you, to be with you” you whispered.

“You don’t want to be with me.” Cassie whispered back.