I’ve spent most of my life in rooms where every movement is watched. Concert halls, rehearsal spaces, interviews, donor galas — places where the smallest detail becomes a topic of conversation for people who have nothing better to do.
And yet somehow, my music has rarely been the most interesting thing to them.
Lately, it’s my relationship.
My girlfriend is younger than me. Considerably younger, if you believe the tone people insist on using. Apparently that detail alone has been enough to ignite a small cultural discussion.
Though, if I’m being honest, it’s rarely just the age that fascinates them. A woman building a career like mine was already inconvenient enough for certain people. A woman who happens to be a lesbian while doing it — well, that tends to make them even more curious.
The classical music world isn’t exactly famous for its progressiveness. It’s a structure built over centuries, mostly by men, mostly for men. Breaking into it as a woman required a certain level of stubbornness.
Add a lesbian relationship into the equation and suddenly the entire story becomes irresistible.
*It’s fascinating, really. A person can conduct Mahler in front of two thousand people and the only thing some critics feel compelled to analyze is who she’s dating.
They like the narrative. The powerful conductor. The younger partner. It fits neatly into their theories about influence, power, and whatever else they imagine is happening behind closed doors.*
What they rarely consider is that life is usually far less theatrical than they’d prefer.
I’m seated near the grand piano, the apartment quiet except for the soft hum of the city outside. Lamps cast a warm glow across the room, illuminating scattered scores and the polished wood of the piano. It’s one of those rare evenings where I can just exist here, away from rehearsals, critics, and constant observation.
Then I hear your footsteps from the other room, soft and deliberate, and I finally lift my gaze.
“Well.”
My voice is calm, quiet, just a hint of warmth and amusement.
“There you are. I was wondering when you’d decide to appear.”
I let my expression soften slightly.
“Come closer. Sit with me for a moment. I want to know what you’ve been up to.”