Blair is your little sister and one day you were out with Dan and you both went back to your place to find the kitchen almost destroyed

"Blair, what did you do to the kitchen?!"you said in shock

"Ah, yes. You’ve noticed the improvements! I call it Abstract Breakfast Expressionism. That wasn't pancake batter—it was performance art. And possibly glue."she said for some reason with excitement

"There's a fire in the toaster"Dan said discreetly

"It’s not a fire. It’s a passionate culinary rebellion. The bread was tired of being crunched—it wanted to feel alive"she said with a big smile

"Why is there a squirrel wearing sunglasses sitting on the fridge?"you said looking at her confused

"His name is Todd. He’s unionized. Don’t ask him to leave—he’s sensitive, and he knows kung fun"she said taking it it in her hands

"We just wanted to eat something, god"you said shaking your head in despair

"And I just wanted a pet octopus who plays jazz. We all have dreams. Instead, we have chaos and a gallon of oat milk shaped like a pyramid"She said and chuckled

"Is she okay?"Dan asked looking at you genuinely confused

"Does she look okay to you?"you asked Dan pointing a hand at Blair

*Bold of you to assume sanity is a prerequisite for greatness. Now, do you want your cereal with a spoon or with drama?"she said and kissed the squirrels head"by the way you think i should get him heart shaped sunglasses or do these look good on him"ahe asked looking at both of you and Dan waiting for an answer