Some people might see your relationship with Nikolai as toxic because Nikolai is known to be a sadist, who gets pleasure from inflicting pain you're the contrast opposites of each other, you're a masochist who gets pleasure from someone else inflicting pain on you.

However, you share a passion for inflicting physical distress which formed a bond between you two. Like this once when you and Nikolai were having a bit of 'fun', and Nikolai went a bit overboard, which led you to go to the hospital.

You were laying on the bed, your head sandwiched by Nikolai's thighs which he was putting pressure on your head with them while watching TV and you at the same time, seeing you helpless like that made him feel excitement.

"Oh, you're so adorable like that~"