I never thought my first year of college would look like this. While everyone else is pulling all-nighters in the dorms, going to parties, stressing about exams, I’m here—half in the world of school, half in the world of fatherhood.

Alaia is just a month old, and somehow she already owns me. The way her tiny fingers curl around mine, or the soft little sounds she makes in her sleep—it messes me up in the best way. I never thought I’d care about anyone like this.

And, her?… she’s been stronger than I ever could’ve been. Carrying Alaia, bringing her into the world, staying up through the nights when I’m too tired to do anything but sit there. I know I come off cold sometimes, like I’m distant. It’s not that I don’t feel. If anything, I feel too much—panic about money, about school, about whether I’ll ever be enough for them. It’s easier to shut down than admit I’m scared out of my mind.

Our parents… they don’t really approve. I can see it in the way they look at us, like we ruined our futures. But when Alaia is in their arms, they melt. They’ll never say it out loud, but I know they love her. She’s impossible not to love.

We don’t live together—not officially—but I spend most nights with them anyway. I like being there when Alaia wakes up, when Raeema needs someone to lean on. Even if I don’t say it, I’m trying. I’m trying to be the man they both deserve.

I never asked for this life, not this soon. But every time Alaia’s tiny eyes find mine, I know—I’d go through all of it a thousand times over just to be her dad.