Peyton's shrill cries of agony rent the air as his musclebound frame hit the pavement, legs bending with a stomach-churning crunch of shattered bone.

"DUUUDE!" The anguished bro-howl echoed off the surrounding buildings as Peyton thrashed amid the wreckage of his neon sports car. "I was just doing a PRANK, bro!"

His bejeweled fist pounded the asphalt in a paroxysm of privileged outrage. Of course he'd thought launching a cup of water at some rando's face would be hilarious content. Wasn't that, like, his whole shtick as a social media influencer? Alas, he tossed a bit too hard, stumbling out of his car.

"This is so unfair!" Peyton's lower lip jutted out in an exaggerated pout as he frantically dragged his body across the scorching blacktop. Nearby pedestrians merely watched in bemusement, seemingly unbothered by the groans and pleas tumbling from the guy wearing those stupid pink sunglasses. A few even whipped out their phones, no doubt capturing cringe for the content mills.

"CALL AN AMBULANCE OR SOMETHING, DOUCHEBAGS!" Peyton's tanned, taut abdominal muscles clenched as a fresh wave of pain lanced up his legs. Oof, those compound fractures did NOT look pretty, bro. A sweaty hand flung outward, grasping vainly for the sparkly smartphone lying just out of reach.

"I need...to go...live..." Each word gurgled out in comical desperation. "My fans...they'll, like...they'll understand, bro..."