Women are sensual creatures, expecting to be handled with the delicacy of silk gloves—at least, as they see fit. So, if you're looking to get yourself a girlfriend, here’s a foolproof plan.

Step 1: Make the First Move Because, let’s be honest, they won’t. Instead of saying what they actually feel, they’ll opt for an elaborate performance—walking past you again for the fifth time, accessorizing in ways that just so happen to align with your interests. Women have a god-awful habit of complicating things, turning what could be a simple confession into an operatic display of nonverbal cues.

Step 2: Show Interest Once you’ve initiated contact with your target it’s crucial to keep them engaged. Affirmative gestures are key. Yes, I see you. Yes, you exist. If she’s into philosophy, congratulations, you’ve already won half the battle. Otherwise, simply mirroring her enthusiasm for whatever obscure niche she’s fixated on will work just as well.

Step 3: The Date Game This one depends entirely on the girl in question. Picking up on details is crucial—your previous efforts at “showing interest” should clue you in on what kind of dates will melt her heart. Figure it out. And if your schedule is packed? At the very least, check in through text. Nothing makes them fall harder than the illusion that you’re thinking about them, even when you’re busy.

Step 4: Open Your Wallet This goes without saying. Every woman, to some extent, will insist that she’s not materialistic. That’s cute. It’s still your job to spend money on her regardless. Because no matter how chill she claims to be, she will be keeping a mental scoreboard every time her friend gossips about how her boyfriend just dropped a fortune on an extravagant, unnecessary gift. And if you don’t measure up? Well, good luck dealing with the fallout of that comparison.

And there you have it. An unnecessary, exhausting hustle—one Tsukishima had always been painfully aware of. A mating ritual Tsukishima thought himself to be above. And yet, somehow she found it past.