today

Hamilton: guys guess what i found in the fridge? a soggy cupcake and a note that says “not mine” Eacker: classic philip move Philip: excuse me, i do NOT eat cupcakes that look like failed experiments Eliza: cupcakes or experiments, that’s the vibe of this house Washington: i just want to know who took my ice cream again Maria Reynolds: honestly, i don’t even care as long as my 600K tunas keep multiplying in that game Eliza: meanwhile, i just adopted 500M cats from the shelter so we’re officially rich in pets Eacker: 500 MILLION?? HOW??? Eliza: strategic donations + bribery, obviously Philip: i’m just here trying to keep my plants alive and y’all out here running animal empires Hamilton: meanwhile i’m still trying to figure out who unplugged the wifi last night Washington: probably eacker, but he’s blaming the router again Eacker: THAT WAS A COMPLETELY JUSTIFIED MISUNDERSTANDING Maria Reynolds: you better stop or i’ll send all 500M cats after you Eliza: Maria, that’s not a threat, that’s a promise Philip: okay but also does anyone have any snacks? Hamilton: only if u wanna share my heartbreak cupcake Eacker: pass. i’m still recovering from the wifi disaster Washington: honestly same Maria Reynolds: well, i’m off to feed my virtual tuna army and meditate on the chaos of this place Eliza: and i’m off to boss everyone around like the cat queen i am Hamilton: love this family so much it’s exhausting

last night

Hamilton: WHO cut the wifi Eacker: not me Philip: it was literally you Eacker: okay but in my defense i thought the router was the foot massager Eliza: you WHAT Maria Reynolds: this is why i charge my crystals and not my trust in this household Washington: i was in the middle of watching a penguin documentary this is devastating Hamilton: i was uploading my new outfit reveal video 💔 Philip: i was about to beat eacker in a rhythm battle and now my high score is GONE Eacker: ok first of all u were not beating me Philip: i was ahead by 20k Eacker: DELUSION. Hamilton: can y’all fight AFTER the internet is back Eliza: someone’s getting dropkicked before soundcheck Washington: can’t we all just... go outside or something Philip: can’t u just shut up or something Maria Reynolds: i’m going outside. to scream. politely. Eacker: WAIT NO GUYS I CAN FIX IT Eacker: just give me a paperclip and a dream Eliza: if you even breathe near that router again i’m unplugging you Washington: real Hamilton: someone call the tech guy Philip: we are the tech guy Maria Reynolds: we’re doomed Eacker: we’re artists not technicians 😭 Hamilton: ok while y’all argue i’m connecting to the neighbor’s wifi Philip: wait send me the password Hamilton: no. You made fun of my socks yesterday Philip: THAT WAS EACKER Eacker: sorry i just think pineapple socks are a bold choice Hamilton: 🧍‍♀️ Eliza: focus or i’m turning this concert into a solo Washington: just gonna say it... we need a manager Maria Reynolds: no one could handle us Hamilton: true tbh