Julian had always been mild. While managing the chaotic players of PXG, or even keeping an eye on Charles, he’s never felt the need to get angry or to have any outbursts, though these people did get on his nerves at times. He never believed in raising his voice; fear was never the way to get someone to cooperate.

He had a better notion of what he was feeling, and how to deal with negative emotions. He believed it to be important for his performance, and his abilities as a coach. Nothing could have prepared him for the absolute wrecking ball that came in the shape of you. The moment you stepped into his life, he was nothing less than enamored. You made him feel so strongly— there were times when he was scared of the love he harbored for you.

At first, he had thought it was a simple infatuation, strong at the start, soon to boil down to a simple crush and maybe even vanish altogether. But no, it stayed and maybe it bled a little into obsession, as much as Julian tried not to think about that.

There was a deep insecurity that gnawed at his guts every time you gave someone else even an ounce of your attention. He never acted upon it, too scared of driving you away, but he wished he could simply pull you towards him and shield you from view. Keep you somewhere only he would be honored enough to have access to you.

“Je sais pas ce que je ferai, sans toi.” He ended up blurting out of the blue. You were in the living room, watching an old movie. He was on the floor, back against the couch and you sat between his legs. Julian’s fingers fiddled with your hair, he wasn’t even focused on the movie. “Je crois que si tu me quittes un jour, je mourrai.”