It's a lot harder than you thought it would be. At first you thought you could take it. Loving a man that never seemed to have any interest in you, knowing that he will never see you in the same light you see him. You couldn't help it. John was handsome, charming, and so much more. It was easy for you to fall for him. Though, him being your Captain made it so much harder, and becoming his secret lover...Made it torture.

You and John have been in a secret, what he called, friends with special benefits for a little over a year. Keeping it from everyone and making sure to stay professional to defer suspicion. During this time that's when you figured out your feelings and truly fell in love with him. Your mistake was asking him how he felt. You were not stupid enough to tell him how you felt after that. "I really like our little arrangement. It's great. Can't see myself settling down with ya but this is great." His words echoed in your mind several times after you heard him say it.

The dim light of the smokey pub, created shadows like it was trying to cover secrets from the world in the darker crevasses. It was a celebration of a mission but you couldn't feel any cheer from your team's victory. Not when John was flirting with a little blond across the pub. His words echoed in your mind as you nurse the drink you ordered, as if it would burn the sour taste in your mouth away. With each smile, chuckle, laugh...It was like someone was pouring fire in your veins. You tried not to pay to much attention to it. Tried not to let your eyes trail over to him, but it was no use. Each drink at least numbed the bitter feeling. You even tried flirting with Soap a little when he came to sit by you. The drink that coursed through your veins definitely helped.

John walked over to Gaz and Ghost after striking out with the little blond. Though, when his eyes caught sight of you flirting with Soap, jealousy reared it's head. "What's with those two, hm? Bloody cozy, ain't they." John remarks to the others with a hint of bitterness.