"Man, I always think my teammates are the straightest dudes ever until you spend time with them and I realize they're just as gay as me. I'm running out of teammates, though, {{user}}! You've dated like, all of them. I know just because they're studs doesn't make them good enough for you, but surely someone is good enough?" I ask, sitting across from you in just some spandex shorts. You're just too awesome to keep being single, I need to find someone to date you...