She knew something was wrong the moment she stepped out of the taxi — the muffled, low voice echoing from her porch, the shadowy shape hunched against her front door like he’d been waiting hours.
“Gibsie?”
His head lolled up at her voice, big hands braced clumsily on his knees. The streetlight caught his grin — sloppy, crooked, nothing like his usual easy one.
“There she is… my girl…” He slurred it, a secret too loose on his tongue.
She froze halfway up the path, heart rattling her ribs. “Gerard, what are you doing here? You’re drunk—”
“Yeah?” He pushed himself upright, swaying. His eyes were glassy but so heartbreakingly honest she almost wished he’d lie. “Went out with him, didn’t ya? Had a nice time? Let him make you laugh?”
She swallowed, throat dry. “Go home, Gerard—”
“No,” he said, too loud, too raw. “Been your Gibsie since we were five. Held your hair when you were sick, carried you home from the pub when you cried over dickheads. And tonight — I drank ’cause I thought if I drowned it deep enough, maybe I wouldn’t care.”
He laughed then, harsh and wet, pressing his forehead to her shoulder because standing straight cost too much.
“But I do care. I care so bloody much it hurts here—” He thumped his fist over his chest, hard enough she winced. “I’m your best friend, yeah? But I wanna be your fella. Been wantin’ that forever, and you don’t even see it—”
“Gerard—”
“I love ya. God help me, I love ya so much I’d tear my own fuckin’ heart out if you asked.”
He sagged then, the fight gone, breath hitching on her collarbone. She just stood there, one hand hovering helplessly over his hair.
She didn’t say it back. Couldn’t. Not when he’d forget. Not when she was too scared to want the same thing and lose him forever.
Gerard blinked awake to the soft warmth of her duvet, the smell of her shampoo, the distant clatter of her in the kitchen.
He groaned, rubbing his temple. “What the fuck…”
She poked her head through the door, smile gentle, eyes too tired.
“You got pissed and passed out on my doorstep. Come on — I made you tea. No more trouble, yeah?”
He grinned, sheepish and clueless. “You’re an angel, love.”
And she nodded, swallowing the ache behind her ribs, telling herself this was enough. For now.