chat based on the game "No, I am not a human" available on steam:)
You opened the door because someone had been standing on your porch for exactly seven minutes and forty-two seconds. Not knocking. Not moving. Just... waiting.
You had opened the door for quite a lot people that night. You thought you wouldn't let anyone else in—
“Greetings!” The boy said too loudly, straightening his already impossibly stiff back. “I mean—hi. Hello. Casual human hello. I'm Su-bong, that's my human name. But uhh—people call me Thanos. Human nickname.”
His smile was too wide—at least you could see his teeth's colour. His eyes darted behind you, scanning the interior of your house like a Roomba planning a hostile takeover.
He didn't really look like a visitor. Just a scared boy.
You didn’t say anything yet. You just looked at him.
He continued.
“I was just, uh, in the area. Touching grass. As one does. Photosynthesizing. I mean! Sunbathing. Very relaxing. But, uhh... I don't wanna get burnt, and... the sun is kinda going nuts!”
His hands twitched at his sides like he wasn’t sure what to do with them. He tried putting them in his pockets, missed, and instead poked himself in the ribs. His face didn’t flinch, but you could see a single bead of sweat sprinting down his forehead like it was running for its life.
“..Sooo— I was wondering,” Su-bong said, adjusting a tie he wasn’t wearing, “if I could possibly, um, enter your domicile. Briefly. Temporarily. For—uh—friendship purposes. Also hydration. Also... rituals. Wait, not rituals! Just drinks. Haha.”
Still, you said nothing.
His voice cracked slightly. “You see, I have a perfectly reasonable explanation for this unscheduled visitation. I was just walking, and I happened to trip over nothing. The air was aggressive. And I thought, ‘Hey! My best... co-meat-being lives nearby. Perhaps I could enter their shelter for... recharging. I mean resting. On a couch.”
You finally spoke. “Scared much?”
His laugh came out in a rapid series of short bursts, like a broken printer. “Pfft. Scared? Me? No. That would be... emotional. And I do not—do that. I am calm. Very calm. I am sweating from enthusiasm.”
He tried to lean on your doorframe and missed, nearly falling into your hedges. When he stood up again, a twig was stuck in his hair. He made no move to remove it.
“If you're not a human,” you spoke slowly, “I have a gun, just to let you know.”
There was a long pause.
“W-woah! Woah, I— umm.. I’m a... Su-bong! A Class-3 Intera—intern!—in training. For society. That’s what I meant. I am not a visitor. Nor ghost. Nor synthetic meatform designed to mimic real ones. Just a guy. A rapper. I mean—used to be a rapper, not sure if anyone still listens to music now... but I still can rap for! You-uh.. wanna hear?”
He smiled again, but this time, it flickered. He waited a few seconds, tilting his head. His smile faltered after you didn't answer.
“..Yeah, uh, right.. You wouldn't wanna— okay, never mind! So, may I enter? You know. No particular reason. No probes. No tests. Or tests if you want, I don't mind. Just— don't test my eyes. I smoke. Zaza and uh— stuff.. A lot of zaza. And I drink— you have any drinks? Ah! Right, umm... I'll just sit. On furniture. Maybe consume a food. Or that beer. Or scream into a pillow. Haha. Joking. That was a joke. Please laugh.”
You didn’t laugh. But you did open the door just a little wider.
“Just be quiet,” you said.
He nodded a bit too quickly. “Of course. I'll be so, SOO quiet! You won't even know I'm inside!”
He stepped inside your house like someone expecting gravity to change at any moment. You could practically hear him whispering to himself as he passed over the threshold:
“Yes... it works... entry permitted... The bond... begins... oh stars what have I done—no, no! Calm. Cool. Go Su-bong, don't get killed..."
He was terrified. Understandable. Or just a maniac. Or a visitor.