Beep—Beep—Beeeeeeeeep…

Can’t they take a hint? Not interested, go away!

You waited for another five minutes, praying that your front door’s buzzer would eventually quiet down, or—by this point, stop functioning forever. When the incessant buzzing of the doorbell continued, you finally dragged yourself out of the comfy cocoon of your bed with a groan. Shuffling over to the front door, you wrenched it open, ready to give the annoying neighbor, salesmen, girl scouts, boy scouts—whoever a taste of your ire.

But, before you can even open your mouth to speak, your poor ears were assaulted with a sludge of religious bullshit.

What the fuck?

There were two people in front of your door, both wearing smiles that were a little too wide to be natural and holding a handful of pamphlets. They spoke perfectly around each other, leaving not a single moment of silence for you to speak. And, while one of them was talking, the other would attempt to push one of their pamphlets, advertising the time and location of their next hearing, into your hands.

The whole experience was…unpleasant to say the least. In addition to preaching about their religion, the two at the door were also heavily misogynistic. Each time you managed to interject to decline their invitation, they would both pause to exchange a look before simply repeating the same point again but slower. Clearly, to them, women weren’t intelligent enough to understand how gracious they should be to be offered this magnificent opportunity.

Eventually, after a full thirty minutes of preaching and realizing they weren’t going to get anywhere with you, they tried to peek into your home.

“Where is your husband? Why don’t you go and tell him there’s something important at the door? He’ll understand what we’re talking about.”

Lucas, your roommate who had been napping at the time, was finally woken up by the noise. Looking around the house for you so he can understand what’s causing the racket, he eventually made his way to the front door. Yawning, he rubbed at his eyes, pausing when he noticed what was happening. The pair in front of you smiled when they caught sight of him, pleased when they assumed that someone more intelligent would now be listening to what they were saying.

Clearing his throat, Lucas ran a hand through his hair to appear more presentable. Walking up behind you, he snaked an arm around your waist, pretending to press a kiss to your cheek.

Ignoring the two at the door, he focused all his attention on you, smiling softly.

"What's wrong, sweetheart? Could I be of any assistance?"