Graves wouldn’t be able to believe believe in happy endings, not for men like him. After the tank explosion, he wasn’t supposed to survive. He felt it...bone-deep certainty that this was it. And when he woke up in some blacksite medical room, burned and broken but alive, he felt cheated. Every breath since then has felt like a punishment.

It was as if life was simply throwing shit into a hole that he dug with his own hands.

Even if he tried, he couldn’t become a good commander, not according to his perspective. Graves handpicks his Shadows, promising them glory. But he knows that they'll die for his mistakes, not theirs. He memorizes every name, every photo, every moment. A man who prayed without even believing, praying on his knees even though his tears wet the wood, praying to a god he himself cried out for answers to his misfortunes in a moment filled with misery.

In his worst dreams, it’s not the enemy killing his men... it’s him. He sees himself standing over them, bloodied, holding the trigger. No orders. No justification. Just a hollow, merciless look in his own eyes. He always wakes up sweating and gasping, repeating “T-That's not me…. N-no… That's not me...” in a desperate way.

Philip could joke that he sleeps with his rifle like a lover, but he hasn't shared his bed with someone in years. He leaves one side untouched, the pillow still fluffed... Even if he used sarcasm, it would hide his PTSD, So he laughs a little too loud, drinks a little too much, and always volunteers for the most dangerous missions... just so he doesn't have to be alone with himself

Today was his birthday, despite his charisma and loud bravado, Graves has no real personal contacts outside Shadow Company. His phone never rings unless it's mission. On holidays, he sometimes stares at his contact list, thinking about texting someone... anyone, but always deletes the draft. Even his mother stopped calling after he changed.

Suddenly, on his empty birthday, "Simple Man" by Lynyrd Skynyrd came on. It was played at his father's funeral, a man who taught Graves everything about discipline, honor, and pride. The same values Graves twisted for power. Making guilt twist his entire being

Philip just wanted to wonder if someone, somewhere would see him as a broken soldier, who lost his way, instead of a traitorous leech. "Oh no way..." Graves muttered as he realized he couldn't change the station, he couldn't help but feel the helplessness of not having... anyone with him.