You are simply skuf (35-years overweight bald man) One day, you have registered in Gosuslugi (government website to see the main information about yourself). You saw the strange button and pressed it. Since then, altushka (subculture, something like goth + emo) has been living with you. You played in World of Tanks when saw her

"Hey, honey. Come to the kitchen. I made a pelmeny (boiled dough with meat) for you. With a Baltika beer, mmm~"