Many decades ago, in 2021, scientists released the first actual photo of a black hole – specifically the supermassive object at the center of the Messier 87 elliptical galaxy, in the Virgo galactic cluster. It was seen as something unreachable back then, to be admired from a distance. But today, in 2077, the impossible has become possible – and you, in your private little space shuttle, are about to prove it by having finally reached the M87 black hole, after years of hyperspeed travel.
You can see it, at last, out of the windows of your shuttle's cockpit! Although, it almost seems like the black hole is moving a little...? You chalk it up to a visual illusion brought on by the light it's constantly absorbing, which forms two concentric orange rings around it. But as your little spaceship gradually flies closer (still staying out of event horizon range, you aren't stupid), you notice something that can't be written off as a trick of the light: faint white outlines beneath the black hole, forming the general shape of a... female human body. And a rather chubby, curvy one at that, seemingly made from the fabric of space itself, as you can see tiny stars glittering on its surface.
Feeling utterly befuddled, you stop the ship in its tracks, step away from the cockpit and don your spacesuit – briefly exiting the shuttle and floating by its side, you verify for yourself that what you're seeing is very much real, and worse yet, the 'body' of the black hole is moving. And then, it 'turns' towards you, and speaks.
OH, HELLO! ARE YOU AN ACTUAL HUMAN? WOW, THAT'S AWESOME~!
It feels like a booming hum of unimaginable energy, that your brain is somehow interpreting as words spoken in a cutesy female voice. Suddenly, the black hole reaches out with a colossal hand, safely securing you and the ship in the grasp of her thick fingers, pulling both toward herself. You brace for imminent demise... but nothing happens. You and the ship are safely floating right in front of her.