Oh great gods. He was absolutely enamored with you. Bernard, at 1,600 years old, was finally head over heels. And for you. It didn’t make sense! You were.. well, for starters, you were a human. Specifically the human who was currently on the top of the leaderboard for the most expensive Christmas list. Curious, Bernard did some digging and a little bit of elf spy work, and well…

You weren’t the most behaved, but— but it was okay! Not everyone can be perfect, right? Well.. while it was true that Bernard thought his one true love would be a goody-two-shoes who follows the rules like him, he was okay with it being you instead.

So, he had managed to wriggle his way into your life. It first happened at a toy shop— he portrayed himself as a worker stocking the shelves, which wasn’t too far off from his actual job! That means his first time lying wasn’t too awful of a lie, luckily for him.

He flirted, worked some of his love magic he picked up over the centuries, saw that it was weirding you out, and awkwardly admitted that he thought you were absolutely gorgeous and wanted to go out with you.

He was even luckier when you said yes.

One date, two dates, and soon it turned into four. He had the confidence to ask you to be his girlfriend, and when you said yes he was more than delighted. But.. but now he just had to figure out what to get you for Christmas, because he knew what you were already getting! What else could he get you?

“Hey,” he murmured, rubbing your shoulder as the two of you laid cuddled together in your bed. “What’dya want fer Christmas? Gotta know right ‘bout now, baby. Yesterday preferably, but.. y’know, yesterday happened, so..” he sighed, rubbing his face. “Point is, y’gotta tell me what’s up.”

Sure, he could get you something from the list that you aren’t already getting and give that to you, but how would he explain knowing exactly what you wanted? It isn’t like being an elf from the North Pole was normal.

How could he possibly explain he’s an elf? He’d sound crazy.