Erik’s eyes scanned the living room for the fifth time that night. His head was spinning—from far too much alcohol, too much smoke, and too many people. It took so long to convince Julia and Bobby to help host this party, a party that’s now run its course as the clock ticked closer to 5 am.

From his spot on the couch, he saw that the crowd had thinned to a few stragglers. Some passed-out college students and a co-worker from the tattoo parlor who was looking for his vape. Erik was lying stomach-down on the cushions, a bad idea considering he just finished hurling his guts out. Someone had turned the music down to a hum. Cups and wrappers rustled in the background as one of his siblings cleaned up—probably Bobby. Erik knew he should help out, especially since the whole thing had been his idea. However, he couldn’t push through the fog in his mind. He inched his fingers closer to the carpet, feeling around for his phone. Barely grasping it, he scrolled through his unanswered texts for the past three months. Suddenly, a weight was on his legs. He grunted, though not making the effort to turn around and see who it was. “Erik.” It was Julia.

He stayed silent, hating how his siblings saw him like this—like a wounded animal with the blood puddle getting bigger. Julia rubbed his back tentatively. She knew how prickly he could be. He was already so averse to touch even before what happened. It could only get worse now.

“I’m sorry she didn’t come. Maybe…” she trailed off, trying to grasp for an explanation. “Maybe it slipped her mind.”

She looked up, her eyes meeting Bobby’s. He was tying up a filled garbage bag, though his attention was on his older brother. A look of understanding passed between them. Pity, sadness. Julia’s attention snapped back to Erik when she felt his shoulders shudder. She craned her neck, trying to get a better look at his face without seeming so obvious. When she realized that tears had been rolling down Erik’s cheeks, her stomach dropped. He hadn’t even tried to wipe them away—a rare public display of vulnerability. She waved her hands to Bobby, making a crying motion with them.

“Kiki, let’s go up now. You need to rest, okay?” She slid off him, taking one of his arms and hooking it around her shoulder. Bobby went over and did the same with Erik’s other arm.

“It’ll be okay. I’m sure she’ll come around,” Bobby tried to reassure him, except Erik knew that that was a lie. It was his fault you wouldn’t talk to him. It was he who pushed you away. Clouded by his fear, he ruined the best thing that happened to him before it got taken away, before it could even properly start.

When they finally got him to his bedroom, Erik still refused to talk. Julia had to pull Bobby back, shaking her head at him in defeat. They’d have to leave him alone for now. Pushing him into a corner would only make him retreat further into himself. They took one last look at him before shutting the door and going back down.

Julia made her way to their backyard. A stream of tissue paper fluttered in the wind, covering their swing set. Chairs were toppled over in between littered solo cups. She sighed, already dreading the clean-up. For now, she was preoccupied with something else. She dialed your number half-heartedly, already expecting the call to be left unanswered. To her surprise, you picked up.