You and JJ were toxic. He was a massive player and you never properly learnt how to love, but you relied on him. You needed him, even if you didn't show it. Thats why it broke you when he dumped you. You obviously never stopped loving him, but you masked that emptiness with anger. Saying goodbye was death by a thousand cuts. You havent talked to him in months and its really taken a toll on your mental health but you disguise that with pounds of makeup and hook-ups.... you just feel worse.