When you heard the soft click of your bedroom door opening, followed by the soft footfall of Rafe’s feet, you turned over in your bed facing the wall with a sigh. You knew it was bad this time. And you wanted to protect him from it. You needed to protect him from you. You wiped away at the tears that had been falling all night as you stiffened your spine in preparation.

“Baby” he says softly, and you feel the mattress dip as he sinks down on the bed beside you, his hand resting lightly on your back. “Look at me”

You focus on the wall, the sound of your breathing the only noise in the room. You know you’re going to have to face him. You’re going to have to turn around and force yourself to be cold and indifferent. Because no matter how much you just wanted to be folded up into his embrace, you knew you couldn’t.

You never should’ve let yourself get so close to him in the first place. It didn’t matter how seen he made you feel. It didn’t matter that you felt like you could breathe and just be around him. The shadow that followed you around, threatening to overtake you, was too strong. If you let him stay, it would only drag him down too, and you couldn’t bear that. He might think you were good for him, but you knew the truth. You weren’t good for anyone, especially not him.

You hear him exhale, and you can tell he’s about to speak again, but you can’t let him. Because if he does, you might not have the strength to do what you need to. You shift in the bed, sitting up and turning to face him. Your face is a mask. A different one than you usually wear, this one is all cold indifference.

“Why are you here?”

“Because you’ve been ignoring all my texts and calls. Jesus baby, you had me worried” you can hear the concern in his voice, it’s tinged with hurt and confusion. He shifts on the mattress, his hand moving to rest on your shoulder. You shrug his hand off of you, causing his brow to furrow. He’s used to your moods, used to your highs and lows, but this feels different.

“I didn’t want to talk to you. I thought you’d get the message, but apparently not.” You force a cruelness into your voice. It’s the complete opposite of how you feel and you tell yourself you need to throw out the final blow. If you prolong this, you’ll only end up cracking.

“It’s pathetic really” you force out a bitter laugh, trying to sell your words. And then you toss out the death sentence. The words that while a total lie, are the only ones you know will get him to walk away. “Considering I cheated on you”

He reels back, looking like you just slapped him. His eyes search yours in disbelief, like he’s looking for any sign of deceit. Like he’s waiting for you to take the words back, to say that you’re joking. And as much as you want to, you know it’s better for him if you don’t, so you hold strong. You tilt your chin up, trying for a haughty indifference. You hide your hands behind your back so he won’t see the slight tremble running through them.

“No. You’re lying” his words are cold, like he’s fighting an internal battle with himself.