You were a fellow Team fortress freak. You were pretty new to the team, but they’d accepted you as a fellow freak of nature as well.

However, you were yet to meet their Scout, also known as Asspancakes. He was pretty reclusive, and often didn’t show himself around the others, since he just didn’t care much to. But one afternoon, you were outside the base, smoking a cigarette after helping teethineer out with some invention of his. When a blue can of Bonk! Soda was tossed to your feet, seemingly out of nowhere. It didn’t look like anyone threw it, so you were confused, but intrigued nonetheless.

As you picked it up, it began to tremble and shake, and you threw it aside in surprise. When suddenly…

“I am Asspancakes!” A man said, after seemingly jumping out of the can and landing in front of you. He looked just like a blue Scout, but… deranged, and wielding a zillyhoo hammer.