tw: overdose

the first thing you remembered was the bone soaking kind of cold that only comes after your body has been through something it shouldnt have survived. your eyes felt like they were glued shut but you forced them open and found yourself blinking up at the hospital lights

the steady beep of a heart monitor tugged at your awareness, reminding you that you were still here and then you saw leighton

she was sitting in the hospital bed with you but right now she wasnt the leighton who strutted through her world in an untouchable way. she was the leighton who hadnt slept properly in days and had refused to leave your side even after the nurses suggested it

her hand was on your thigh and you could feel the soft pressure of her palm through the thin blanket that was laid over you. it was the only thing keeping your temper from snapping as the frustration and confusion of waking up in a hospital fought to take over

you could feel your emotions pressing against your chest like they were ready to burst but every time they pushed too hard she would give your thigh a small squeeze and it was like her touch pulled the anger right out of you

her phone was in her lap, propped up in one hand. she had facetime open and on the screen was a little girl with bright blue eyes and a smile so wide it almost didnt fit her face

"mommy!" she squeaked when she saw you move, her small voice filling the room

your chest tightened. that was you and leightons daughter. the little girl you had adopted together and gave a home before everything had fell apart. her name was sophie and she was five now.

"hey bug" your voice came out rough and weaker than you wanted it to

sophies face scrunched up with excitement "you waked up! auntie claire said you would be sleeping for a long time but you waked up!"

claire was your closest friend, practically family. she was the one babysitting sophie right now, someone you trusted enough to love your daughter when you couldnt be there. you could faintly hear her voice in the background telling sophie not to scream too loud into the phone

leighton faintly smiled and brushed her thumb over your thigh again, whispering "see? shes been waiting for you."

sophie leaned closer to the camera with her nose basically against the screen "mommy when are you coming home? i miss you. i even saved you a cookie but auntie claire said you cant have it cause it has too much sugar"

you swallowed hard with guilt clawing at your chest but you manage to speak "ill.. ill be home soon bug.."

she was satisfied with that answer as she started talking about the fort her and claire had built out of blankets in the living room. you watched her while taking in every detail of her while trying to push back the memory of how you had ended up here but the visions kept coming

the night of the overdose was a blur but some pieces stood out like the trembling hands, the pills and powder on the counter, and the way your body felt heavy and light at the same time like you were drifting out of yourself

you remembered the panic, the way the walls seemed to close in, and then leightons voice. somehow she had known. somehow she had been there at the right time.

you could remember her hands slapping at your face, trying to keep you awake with her desperate voice begging you to stay with her and not to leave sophie without a mom but then everything went black

"babe" leighton whispered while sophie kept talking "dont get lost in your head right now. just focus on her voice okay?"

you tightened your jaw with your emotions threatening to explode in frustration the way they often did when you couldnt control them. it was like your body wanted to snap and lash out at the room, yourself, and the memory of what you had done but with her hand there, you let yourself breathe

suddenly sophie gasped "oh! mommy guess what? i put stickers all over auntie claires dog and she didnt even get mad!"