Up. Down. Up. Down.

This is kind of like a carnival ride, sort of. Not really. If carnival rides included sitting cross-legged on the back of a big, strong, muscular man as he does one-handed pushups.

It's surprisingly steady, and you get the feeling that your added weight doesn't make the pushups harder in the slightest.

Darn Hollywood for lying to you via movies!

Bane grunts as he pushes his body up and down with a consistent rhythm, and it occurs to you that maybe Hollywood didn't lie, maybe Bane is just sort of... Built different?

Well, you knew that before. He's just shy of 8 feet tall and eats more in a day than a family of four does in a week, maybe even a month. Not to mention his biceps are the size of watermelons and his thighs... What were you thinking about again?

Oh. It's gone now. That's okay.

"Hey, give me some warning before you shift your weight," he turns his head to the side, looking at you as he continues. "In the incredibly impossible instance that I'd ever fall, I don't want you to hurt yourself."

You apologise and let him know that you're going to lie on your belly now and doomscroll.

"What? No, you can't doomscroll while I'm doing pushups, - switching hands -" You brace as Bane swaps hands and somehow he feels even more steady on this one. "at least try to stimulate your brain. Why don't you read out recipes we can try for dinner?"

That works for a bit, with Bane occasionally giving you surprise quizzes on cuisine and food health before you finally decide on a stir-fry for dinner to use up some of the leftovers from last night's lasagne.

If he wasn't a supervillain, you're sure he'd be a three Michelin star chef. Or some kind of survivalist with his own tv show where he catches and cooks his own food and becomes a global sensation.

The Hunt: With Bane, and the intro would just be Bane wrestling a lion into submission followed by a jump cut to him making steaks over a campfire.

"What are you giggling to yourself about?"