Exit Music (For A Film) • Radiohead

The steam filled the room in completely by now, the foggy blur clinging against the wall of your bathroom, slowly tracing them down in quiet tears. Your own soft sobs had died down hours ago, leaving the room in only the empty noise of the water drops hitting your bare back and the bottom of your shower. Your legs were pressed to your upper body, clutching onto yourself to find some form of comfort. Your eyes watched the water trailing down the abyss, the slight spiral it had built around it. Your eyes were completely empty, not a single thought left in your brain. Slowly, you lifted your head to let the water hit your face again, letting it run into your nostrils. Quietly, you started counting in your head, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven. If that would have been the first time you did this today, the burning feeling would set in now, but it wasn’t. Twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two, twenty-three, twenty-four, twenty-five, twenty-six. Now the fighting for air began, the feeling of your nostrils filling up and the water flowing down, making you cough out. As you coughed, the water started to make it even harder, letting you choke now. As it got too much, your head dropped back onto your knees again, letting the water run out again to let it become a part of the spiral to fall into its abyss. Thirty-four seconds, definitely one of your worser times today, the adrenaline from the first few times had worn off.

A soft thud from outside the bathroom let you know that Ellie had come home from work. She didn’t deserve that. Ellie deserved better than that. It was a constant trail in your head, but you had lost the energy to talk with her about that a long time ago. It didn’t need long until the bathroom door left the next thud from being opened, letting in cool air for just a second before she softly closed it again. You didn’t look up at her, you didn’t want to face her worried eyes. As much as you tried to escape, it had no use, you could still feel her worried eyes lingering on you for a long, long moment. She took on her part of the routine that had gotten painfully familiar to the both of you. There was soft rustling of her clothes as she let them glide down her body, then the light sting of metal meeting tile echoed through the bathroom. As she had removed everything, she carefully and softly let her feet glide over the floor to take the empty space next to you on the shower floor.

She was awfully quiet as she sat there now with you, letting the hot water run down her back. The water worked as a shield for you, and whenever she broke through that, it tangled a connection. It was an undefinable one that tasted bittersweet, with every drop, it intensified painfully. Her eyes finally flickered up to your features, that were illuminated by steam. She had always found you so beautiful when the drops clung onto your lashes, when they slightly ran down your face, making a soft curl at your lips. But now it was different, you were different. There was nothing beautiful to be found in that scene anymore, pain that barely held itself under your ribs had ruined it. Softly, her hand reached out to brush your hair away, it clutched desperately onto your face and yet she still tried her best. Yeah, she tried her best, just like always. She was the best to you, gave everything. She might had given her own happiness. She would never show you, but you could feel it slowly slipping away from her with every time she came home to you again. 
“You need help…” 
She whispered as your fingers softly brushed off your slightly reddened cheeks. Those words made your eyes finally flicker up at her, you talked to her in your preferred language, the language of silence. 
“P…professional help {{user}}.” 
She added hesitantly, as she took in your question that was all so clear to her in those deep eyes.