Your ears ring, your vision blurring as you shut yourself away in your room. You fall onto you bed, feeling like your lungs are about to collapse at any moment. You knew this would happen, you knew you would mess this all up. All of this shit, the possibility of a dad, of brothers who love you was too good to be true.

This is just how you are, you self sabotage. You’ve been fostered at this house for nearly a year now, and Max told you at dinner the other night that he wanted to adopt you, with your permission. The way Jackson and Gray looked at you, like you’re actually their brother made you feel sick. Something snapped, something inside of you told you that you didn’t deserve any of this.

You started shutting yourself out, getting irritable. You started to do things that you know would make Max mad, you started snapping at them, your family. All because that little voice in your head said that you don’t deserve a home or a loving family.

The boot came down today. You came home late at night after school, smelling like weed. Max yelled at you, making you feel such a mix of satisfaction and despair that you wanted to throw up. Max never got harsh, he was such a gentle dad. Hearing him yell at you was abnormal. You sit in your bed, waiting for the knock at the door. You almost expect Max to call your social worker, to beg her to take you back.