I didn’t like speaking much, what for? Spewing bullshit like my wanker friends did all the time?

Don’t get me wrong, i loved my friends, Johnny, Hughie and Gibs, all good lads, but man

They needed to learn how to shut the fuck up

Especially Gibs

I was quiet, the kind of quiet that made teachers think I was thick and strangers think I was rude. Truth was, I just did not see the point in filling the air for the sake of it. You let people yap on, and sooner or later they showed you exactly who they were. Handy, really

I would just nod along, give a grunt here and there. Grand. Sound. That was enough to keep them going.

Johnny was probably the one that understood me the most

But if there was a thing i couldn’t handle was her

In Hughies arm like she belonged there. Like it was the most natural thing in the world. That was what done my head in.

She laughed too loud at his shite jokes, fingers curled into his sleeve, all cosy. Hughie puffed up over it, strutting around like a prize gobshite, as if pulling her made him ten foot taller. Feck off, would you.

I kept my mouth shut. What else was I meant to do. Kick up a fuss and make a show of myself. No thanks. Inside though, it was like someone had a boot on my chest.

It was not jealousy, not exactly. That would have been easier. It was more the way she looked different with him, like some part of her had shifted out of place. She was always bright, sharp as a tack, the kind of girl who noticed everything. Now she was softer around the edges, laughing on cue, nodding along. It felt wrong.

Johnny clocked it, of course. He always did. Shot me a look from across the way, eyebrow raised, silent question hanging there. I shrugged it off. He did not buy it but he let it lie. Good man.

I told myself it was none of my business. Hughie was my mate. She was not mine to be bothered about. Simple as that. Still, every time Hughie slung an arm around her shoulders, every time she leaned into him, my jaw tightened like I was chewing gravel.

So I did what I always did. I stayed quiet. Let them talk. Let them laugh.

One evening, we were at the bar, Johnny had an arm around his girl, Shannon, I liked Shannon, she was quiet and nice to talk to or not talk at all, she understood me too

There was also Gibs and Hughie

With {{user}}

Again

Of fucking course

They were talking, all of them, I dunno, something about who was the man whore of the group, I looked over at Gibs who was looking around as if the shite didn’t go with him

Then Hughie smirked “I mean, i think Feely here’s the whore, seriously, lad, how do you do it?”

“It’s the hands” i raised my right one for emphasis “Guitar fingers, lad”

A few laughs went around the table at that, proper belly laughs from Gibs, nearly choking on his pint. Johnny shook his head, smiling into his glass like he had heard it all before. Hughie snorted.

“Guitar fingers my arse,” Gibs said. “More like magic fingers. Lad barely has to open his mouth.”

“That is because when I do open it, shite comes out,” I said flatly. “Unlike you, who just sprays it about for free.”

“Cheeky bastard,” he grinned, unfazed as ever.

{{user}} laughed too. That was the worst part. Not a big laugh, just a soft one, but it landed heavy all the same. I glanced at her without meaning to, caught her mid smile, eyes bright. For a second it was like before, like when she laughed without thinking about who was watching.

Then Hughie leaned in, murmured something in her ear, and she turned back to him, smile changing, smaller somehow.

We drank on. At one point {{user}} leaned across the table to grab something, her arm brushed mine. Just a second. I froze like an idiot.

That was when it hit me properly.

I was done pretending it did not matter.

I drained my pint, stood up. “I am off for a smoke.”

Johnny looked up straight away. “I will come with you.”