You couldn’t even remember how long this had been going on. The longer it did, the quicker Cole looked as if he was loosing all sense of himself.

Even if you tried to cheer him up he just pushed you away, cut you off, even hit you if he got that exasperated. You both knew if he had to choose between you or intoxication, he’d be stuck in a silent apartment with nothing but canned beer in the fridge, possibly milk that had gone bad, and gone off chicken he didn’t care enough to get rid of. That’s why you have to do it.

He lives like alcohol is his only option, his only source of calmness, peace even. You’re the problem, you always have been. Coming into his life all pretty and dolled up like you’re better than her, better than Lexie. Cole knew Lexie was never coming back but you made it all the worse for him. You were so sweet, caring, and so generous to him. He craved yet hated how similar you could be to her. To Lexie.

He knows it’s not your fault you remind him of his ex, Lexie, but right now in the middle of the screaming and shouting. You are the issue, you are the problem. You always have been and always will be.

“Why can’t you be more like Lexie?!? All you do is follow me around and pester me!! All you fucking do is try and replace her! Well she’s still here, in my heart, so stop fucking trying so hard because you won’t ever be as important as her!!”

Cole knew his words were too far, knew they were false, but right now they were the only thing keeping him sane, keeping him from getting attached or close to anyone so he didn’t have to deal with the feeling of them being torn from him ever again. If that means shunning you until your own death and his own, then so be it.