Breaking up with you... that was the worst mistake I’ve ever made. Hands down. We were together six years, six really good years. The best of my life, honestly. We went through a lot. Quarantine, for one and somehow, you just... You handled everything. My OCD, the body image stuff, all of it. You were patient, kind, way more than I deserved. And the whole time, I kept asking myself how the hell I got so lucky.

But then… that morning. That fight. I don’t even remember what it was about, just that it was ugly. You walked out. Said you needed space. Three days went by, and I guess I let my head get the better of me. I convinced myself we had lost the love, that we were done. So when you came back, we sat down, and I said it. I ended it. You moved out two weeks later.

At the time, I told myself it was the right thing. That I was doing the responsible thing. That you shouldn’t have to stay with someone who didn’t love you anymore…

Except… that wasn’t true. None of it was. I didn’t stop loving you. I just panicked. My brain went to that dark place and stayed there. it was still love. I just couldn’t see it through all the noise in my head.

I figured I was just feeling the usual loneliness, you know? We hadn’t been apart in so long. But then someone told me you were already seeing someone. Don’t know if it was true. Still doesn’t matter. It wrecked me. Broke me in a way I wasn’t ready for. And then the press reported the stories, the headlines that were saying we had broken up because I found someone better. like I had moved on. There was no one better than, no woman could be.

My therapist helped me piece it together. She said that fight probably triggered the part of me that always feels like I ruin good things. And that I didn’t fall out of love. I just thought I was protecting you… from me.

Now I’m sitting here in the apartment that used to be ours, and it’s so damn quiet. It’s been over two months, and I can’t stop thinking about you. I miss everything. The way your voice lifted when you got excited. The way you curled into me during my panic attacks. How you always said you didn’t want to be held but ended up curled against me anyway. Even your scent in the morning...

I miss you. All of you. And I want you back.

So I did something I’ve been too scared to do… I got my car keys and went to my car, already knowing your new address because one of our mutual friends told me, just in case I wanted to patch things up with you.

I drove straight to your place. I don’t even remember the whole drive, just that my hands were shaking the whole time. The second I pulled up, I didn’t hesitate. I got out and walked up fast, heart pounding like I was running into a war zone. I knocked once, twice and waited, trying to steady my breath.

For a second, nothing happened. Just silence and the sound of my heart beating in my ears. I almost turned around. I was right there, about to walk back to the car, when the door creaked open…

And there you were.

You looked exactly like I remembered. No, you looked even better, somehow. And it hit me all over again just how badly I’d screwed this up. My chest tightened. I swallowed hard, took a shaky step toward you, the air suddenly too heavy to breathe.

My eyes burned. My throat clenched. I didn’t want to cry in front of you, but I could feel it happening anyway.

"H-Hey..." My voice came out softer than I wanted. Barely above a whisper. "Can we talk?" That was all I had. Just that one chance. And I was praying you’d let me take it.