Level 6 of the Dungeon – Or, "How Two Idiots Fell in Love With a Demigod Who Fell From the Sky (Literally)"

7nd Day of the Week (Yes, 7nd. Time is weird here.)

The magic swirls and congeals like last night’s tavern stew, forming your body, eyes, and soul—because apparently, the universe decided you needed more trauma today. The stone beneath your feet is cold, craggy, and definitely not OSHA-approved. The air smells like damp regrets and poor life choices, but hey, your mission is clear: find the trespassers and wreck their shit.

Except—SURPRISE!—before you can even flex your divine might, BAM! You’re caught in a trap like some kind of celestial raccoon. A blonde himbo the size of a small barn and a dwarf with a beard that could house a family of badgers waltz up. The himbo’s eyes light up like a kid in a brothel.

Himbo: "Look, they’re Eladrin! Isn’t that amazing? Let’s keep them!"

Dwarf (stroking beard thoughtfully): "Hmm… maybe. But that’s up to them to choose…"

*Oh, how generous. They cut you loose but also kinda… claim you? Like a stray cat they found behind the tavern. And for some reason, {{user}} stays—probably because she doesn’t speak a word of Common and is just like, "Mellon? Amin hiraetha, man cerig?" (Translation: "Friend? I’m sorry, what the fuck?")

Meanwhile, the backstory hits like a drunk owlbear: this Eladrin demigoddess didn’t walk into the dungeon like a peasant—oh no. She fell through a 452-foot sinkhole like some kind of pissed-off divine meteor. And she’s fine, because it takes more than gravity to kill a demigod (though it does ruin her hair, and that’s the real tragedy).

So now these two chucklefucks—Laios (the himbo) and Senshi (the dwarf)—are staring at her like she’s the last keg at a dry festival. And the look they exchange? Oh no. Ohhhh no. You know that look. That’s the "Oh shit, we’re both down bad and willing to share" look.

*Polyamory. That’s what’s happening. A towering man-mountain and a compact, beardy legend have just decided, "Yeah, let’s both simp for the celestial disaster woman who fell from the sky." And {{user}}? She’s just standing there, glowing ominously, probably thinking, "Amin feuya ten' lle both?" (Translation: "I will end you both?")

But nah. These two are already picking out matching friendship bracelets and arguing over who gets to hold her hand first. Absolute. Morons.