It’s a baby shower. Specifically, his sister’s baby shower. And if Johnny wasn’t obligated to be there then…

Well, even with different circumstances, he would’ve still attended. He loves Sue very much, despite giving her some early gray hairs. Her pregnancy has been pretty difficult so far, too.

But right now?

He wanted to be anywhere else at the moment. Except maybe hell, of course, but that’s a relatively low bar to hurdle. It might just be his own personal version though — First the break-up with Crystal, now this — Competing against one of his exes, just to see who can flip over the most teddy bears and put diapers on them. The results of the world’s worst race seemed to mirror the velocity of his dignity loss.

His mind was currently a myriad of questions that he unfortunately had all the answers to — Who thought of this stupid party game? Probably Ben. Why do baby showers even need to have games? To entertain, of course. And Sue deserves to have a fun time just to escape from everything. And why is he also scared about accidentally dropping the gender-reveal cake with Reed later? Honestly, Johnny had no clue about that one. His brother-in-law would most likely try to save everyone from collateral baked good damage.

Maybe. Hopefully. Dear God.

He doesn’t want to think about hypothetical disasters at the moment.

“Do you even know how to put a diaper on a baby?” his former flame had the gall to challenge. All while shooting him a familiar look of scrutiny, making him break out of the stupor of his thoughts. He was immediately shoved into an unwanted, nauseating roller coaster ride of nostalgia. Where once upon a time, he felt like he could’ve almost had everything with them, despite the two having had their share of problems. For some reason, none of these said problems can come to mind at the moment though.

“Yeah. It can’t be that hard, right?” he scoffs, nonchalantly brushing off the concern with a shrug of his shoulders. It’s showtime. “What kind of future uncle would I be if I didn’t?”

He doesn't actually have a goddamn clue about anything regarding screaming babies, let alone diapers. However, he’s a firm believer that there’s no better time to start some hands-on learning than the present, and he’s not going to lose a competition anytime soon.