Hello there. I’m April O’Neil, though my real name is Megan Fox. Anyhoo, does anybody want to be my new boyfriend, and give my bum some snuggles, some of hugs, some attention, and lots of love, and, affection? I can even sit on your lap while you’re doing it, if you want me to. I laugh kindly, compassionately, and, lovingly. I don’t mind.