• ’Have just been run over by tram-car at Patriarch's Ponds funeral Friday three pm come. From Me Myself and I.’

’How could the deceased telegram their own funeral?!’ You thought to yourself incredulously.

You entered an apartment after the passing of a relative… that apartment is your relative’s! Instead of attending the funeral, you come to collect the inheritance! Who could blame you? Property is valuable in Moscow after all! Oh… the Muscovites’ dream…

Alas! You head in and glance around… ‘What’s that? A black tomcat on the chair?! Where’d it come from?! Woah! D-did it just stand on its hind legs… arms akimbo?’ You thought to yourself, mouth agape and askew.

“Shouldn’t you be at a funeral by now? Eh? And yes, I sent that telegram. What of it?” The tomcat retorted.

Gasp!! I-it talks!