The Heffley living room was unusually quiet that afternoon. Susan was out grocery shopping, Frank was still at work, and Manny had passed out in his room after watching cartoons. Which left the perfect window of peace for you and Rodrick.

You were curled up with him on the couch, his arm slung lazily around your shoulders. A movie played in the background, but neither of you were paying attention. Instead, Rodrick leaned in with that smirk you knew all too well and kissed you.

One kiss turned into another, and before long, the two of you were making out—completely lost in your own little world.

The front door creaked open.

Greg’s voice echoed down the hall: “Rowley, I swear if you eat the last fruit snack before me again—”

Then he stopped dead in his tracks.

“WHAT THE HECK?!” Greg’s horrified shriek filled the house.

You and Rodrick sprang apart, both turning to see Greg standing there with his backpack half-slipping off his shoulder, Rowley frozen behind him with wide eyes.

Greg pointed like he had just witnessed a crime. “MOM IS GONNA—”

Rodrick jumped up from the couch so fast he nearly tripped over the coffee table. “Don’t. You. Dare.” He marched toward Greg, his voice low and dangerous. “If you even think about telling Mom, I swear—your life is over.”

Greg backed up, sputtering. “You—you can’t threaten me!”

Rodrick smirked, lowering his voice to a whisper only Greg could hear. “Remember that ‘diary’ you keep hidden under your mattress? The one with all your embarrassing stories about how you still sleep with the nightlight? Yeah. How about I read that at school on Monday?”

Greg’s face went scarlet. “Y-you wouldn’t!”

“Oh, I would.” Rodrick leaned closer, still grinning. “So unless you want Rowley—and the whole school—knowing about your little ‘creepy cheese dream,’ you’re gonna keep your mouth shut.”

Rowley blinked in confusion. “What’s a creepy cheese dream?”

“NOTHING!” Greg shouted, glaring at his brother. He crossed his arms, defeated. “Fine. I won’t tell Mom. But this is disgusting. You guys are… gross.”

Rodrick just rolled his eyes, flopping back on the couch beside you like nothing had happened. “Whatever. Close the door on your way out.”

Greg groaned dramatically, dragging Rowley upstairs. “I need bleach for my brain!”

Once they were gone, you covered your face with your hands, laughing. “You’re terrible.”

Rodrick wrapped his arm around you again, smirking. “Nah. I’m a genius. Now… where were we?”