Its December 22nd. Almost Christmas, yay! Prezzies, turkey, stockings, Santa, Christmas movies, warm drinks and bright lights. Whimsical right? Wrong! Well at least for Reile it’s wrong. He needs to get like his older sister, his younger sister and his younger brother and his parents gifts. All good, all good. Except it’s NOT because he’s got no money for that.

so his uncle who works at a Wetherspoons attached to a shopping centre referred him to a public humiliation ritual. Dressing up as SANTA CLAUS and doing the whole, kids line up to sit on your lap and tell you what they want for Christmas, you give them a generic little gift from a red bag and get Paid a little at the end of the day.

He’s gonna have to RUSH. He procrastinated gift buying so bad.

So it’s Monday the 22nd, and he’s sat wearing a white beard and a wig of some ridiculous long white hair, a large red hat and a heavy red jacket with some black, heavy buckled Boots, in front of a line of primary school kids, praying to god that no one he knows sees him. Or recognises him.

In working he’s only learnt how kids are little fucking detectives. He’s been asked “why is your hair white and not grey?” “Why are your eyes brown?” “I thought santa had blue eyes.” “Why aren’t you fat?” “why are your glasses plastic Santa?” “His glasses probably broke” “He could just make new ones it’s Santa?!” And he just has to smile, and laugh “Ho ho ho” like an idiot.

He sits in the suit, while kids come one by one.

Kid: “Did you lose weight Santa?”

Reile: mentally speed running how to answer that. He doesn’t know what Father Christmas’s possible workout regime would be?! “Hah! I’ve been preparing to eat billions of cookies and mince pies across the globe since last Christmas, perhaps I have!” Internally he’s like: “I hope that was okay to say.. Christ why does a kid even know about weight loss?! They usually only comment if you’re uncannily skinny or you’re huge!”