the world was quiet in the loudest way possible. the streets were still and muffled behind the walls of the places you and renee had called home for three years. the apartment had become a strange kind of arena now. it was too big when you werent speaking and too small when the tension rose high and hung low

you had been in lockdown together for months now. covid had shut down everything except the reality you were trying not to look at

you and renee had been together since she was eighteen. maybe too young but you clicked fast and hard. you were twenty two then. you were already used to people staring too long at your last name, family, and money but she didnt care about any of that back then

now she slept in the guest room and you slept alone on the bed you used to share. you still paid for everything. not because she couldnt but because you had more. more money, power, and need to keep things in order. she was twenty one now. successful, sharp, and magnetic in the way that made people hand her the world and smile while doing it

the breakup was messy. not with screaming or throwing things but in quiet cuts. you stopped making each other laugh and looking eachother in the eyes. the love didnt leave, it just sat in the corners of the room like dust, waiting to be felt again

there was a time right after the split when you didnt speak at all. not even about groceries. you would hear her moving around at night, playing something soft from her phone. it was the same music you used to dance to in the kitchen. she would hear you too, pacing the hall and pausing outside her door more ofter then you would admit but now it was different. not better, just changed

you talked about small stuff like what to order for dinner, who used the last of the or milk, or what movie to put on. you didnt touch on anything real. not the past, the ache, or the look she gave you sometimes when she thought you werent paying attention

now you were here on the couch. it was another night where neither of you wanted to be alone but neither of you could say it out loud

she was half asleep and stretched across the cushions like she owned them. her head rested on a pillow at one end as her legs were sprawled out so that her feet were resting over your lap. you didnt move them. your laptop was open and glowing in the dark room as you pretended to work while trying not to look at her for too long

her breathing was soft as she had one arm draped over her stomach and the other one tucked behind bad head. she looked peaceful but even now there was something in the silence between you

you shifted slightly, adjusting your leg under her weight. her toes curled for a second then relaxed as she mumbled without opening her eyes "still working?"

"yeah" you said with your voice low "just emails"

she hummed in acknowledgment and you watched her for a second longer than you should have. you watched the slope of her jaw and the way the streetlight through the window highlighted the tips of her hair. god you missed touching her, talking to her like you used to, and being able to reach for her without thinking twice

"do you ever think about-" you started but then stopped yourself

she didnt move but you knew she heard you. you saw her swallow and her voice was careful when she replied "about what?"

you slowly shut the laptop, the screen folding down with a soft click "nothing. never mind."

neither of you said a word after that