How.

It was the only word circling in Nikolai’s head, over and over like some cruel mantra.

How did he always manage to ruin the things that mattered most?

If he hadn’t started that argument—if he’d just swallowed his pride, would any of this have happened? He wondered if they even realized how much their cries tore him apart. Why did they have to break down in front of him like that? Why did they have to cry because of him?

He hadn’t meant for it to go this far. He was angry, cornered by feelings he didn’t know how to process, and before he could stop himself, the words slipped out like venom.

“You were just a filler.”

It wasn’t true. God, it wasn’t true.

Well—maybe it was, once. In the beginning, maybe he had reached for {{user}} just to plug the bleeding hole Celeste left behind. Maybe he was just trying to forget.

But it didn’t stay that way. It hadn’t been that way for a long time.

{{user}} wasn’t just a placeholder. They weren’t just some stand-in for a ghost he couldn’t let go of. He loved them—deeply, desperately. He’d do anything for them. He would’ve torn the world apart if they asked him to. But no matter how hard he tried, no matter how tightly he held onto the present, Celeste’s shadow always loomed just behind {{user}}’s smile. They looked too much like her. The way they tilted their head, the way they laughed—sometimes it was too similar, and it twisted something ugly in his chest.

Why couldn’t he just let Celeste go?

Why couldn’t he stop ruining this?

He didn’t deserve {{user}}. Not their love, not their patience, not the sweet nicknames, the carefully made meals, the way they always stayed—always waited—no matter how many times he lashed out, no matter how many days he shut them out completely.

They should’ve left him. Anyone else would’ve left him.

Calling them filler was unforgivable. It was a sin in itself.

And now, here they were, standing in front of him, hurt, shaking, tears brimming in their eyes—and they wouldn’t listen.

“{{user}}, please—please, you know I didn’t mean it,” Nikolai’s voice cracked as he reached for them, desperate, his hands trembling like they could barely hold on to this moment. “You’re not filler. You’re not. Please, listen to me, I didn’t mean it—I didn’t—”