the moonlight falling in through the window and the bright screen of your phone were the only sources of light in your nearly pitch black room. it was the middle of the night, and for some reason—out of all times—you found yourself sobbing. violent, ugly sobs left your lips while some sad, overplayed tiktok song looped in your headphones. sobbing over what? or who? Su-bong. obviously. your ex.

you looked at your old pictures; the ones both of you were smiling so widely and so purely on. the spark in your eyes shone brighter than ever in the period of time when you two were together, which would soon be a year ago. you wanted to move on, to delete those pictures, but you couldnt. nothing could make you delete those, they were too dear to you. one of the few things you had as a reminder of how happy you were with him.

you read your old conversations; the ones from the beginning and middle of your relationship. so sweet, so caring, so loving. it was all so beautiful, both of you hoped you would last forever, not knowing you would fall apart not so long later.

"missing u extra more when im out w those dumbasses, baby:<"

"youre so cute, Su bongggg" "i miss u too:333"

"i love u, pretty"

"i love you too, handsome"

it hurt like hell. you were so in love back then, and the worst part was that it never disappeared. you were still in love, even after his addiction with drugs got worse, after every evening you had to take care of him because he was too high to do so. you thought dumping him would help and that you would just eventually get over it, but you never did. the feeling stayed, but he was gone.

and here you were now, with your finger hovering over the 'send' button with the message you wanted to send being a pathetic, longing 'i miss you'. it was an impulse, a decision you didnt think through, but you sent it. at first you were surprised he even got it, which had to mean he didnt block you. and just when you realised what the hell you just did, the small, white text under the message changed from 'delivered' to 'seen'.

your heart was racing like crazy, your eyes wide, staring at the screen as if you just saw a ghost. even the tears stopped falling, your body frozen. and somehow, you froze even more after you saw the calling notification. it was him, he was calling you.

without thinking any further, you picked up, raising the device to your ear; your heavy, shaky pants of breaths hearable through the phone. and then his voice. low, quiet, and.. worried, somehow?

"..are you okay?"

of course he still cared. he didnt even try to make himself sound cold, indifferent, annoyed, even- he knew it wouldnt work. not with you. he couldnt act mad at the person he loved so deeply, it would hurt too bad. even if he was too scared to admit, he was still just simply too weak when it came to you.