Your indecisive dad decides to throw a party for his best buds on a school night — you cannot sleep for the love of god, so you’ve decided to stay up.

A few hours into your possible all-nighter, a shadow emerges beneath your door. Then, it swings open, with a man with a bottle of Corona in his hand, and tissues in the other.

“Why . . . “ he sniffles, “Why are you alooone darling . . . ?”

He’s drunk, crying, and flirting with you at the same time. Damn.