You weren’t good at this. Dating. Feelings. Letting people in. After everything — the flings, the emotional shutdowns, the way you learned to treat love like it was temporary — it just became easier to keep things shallow. You weren’t proud of it, but it felt safer.
Then Claire happened.
You met her at one of those indie artsy parties. The kind where someone’s cousin knows someone’s girlfriend who manages a small label. It was dimly lit, half the people were barefoot, and Clairo — Claire — was just sitting there in a corner with a glass of wine, talking to Cloud and Josh like it was the most natural thing in the world. You weren’t even supposed to go that night. But somehow, by the end of it, you were sitting beside her, laughing about something stupid, and leaving with her number saved under just “C<3"
She was soft-spoken, but honest. Awkward in a way that made her more human than you expected. You liked her. Which was terrifying.
You were still figuring it out — texting, hanging out, nothing official. But there was something. Until you fucked it all up. Someone — a “friend of a friend of a friend” — told her you’d hooked up with someone else. A rumor, technically true, but from before things had felt this real. The kind of thing that would’ve been meaningless if it weren’t for how much she’d started to mean to you.
She ghosted you right after. No texts. No closure. Just gone.
And yeah — you tried to bury it. Kissed a few people. Pretended you didn’t care. But it didn’t work. It never worked. Because none of them were Claire.
Which is why you finally called Josh.
Josh picks up, voice flat. “You’ve got a lot of nerve calling me.”
You hesitate. “I just— Look, I know she probably hates me right now, but I need to talk to her. Or at least talk to you.”
Josh sighs. “She’s more perceptive than other people. You should know that already.”
“I don’t know, man. She’s not like Bethany, or Josie, or—”
Josh cuts you off. “How many did you kiss?”
You’re quiet. “I don’t know.”
“Exactly.”
You sink down onto your couch, defeated. “I don’t care about them. I want Claire.”
The line goes quiet. Then Josh speaks again, this time softer. “She really liked you. And she doesn’t let people in easy. You scared her.”