The scent of burnt coffee and printer toner hits you the moment you step into the Scranton branch of Dunder Mifflin.

The fluorescent lights buzz faintly above, casting a pale glow over rows of mismatched desks and humming computers. The air is oddly tense and chaotic for a Tuesday morning — but maybe that’s just normal here.

You barely have time to drop your bag when a paper banner unfurls above you, reading in uneven Sharpie: “WELCOME NEW GUY!!!”

Michael Scott appears from behind a potted plant, grinning ear to ear. He’s wearing a “World’s Best Boss” mug on his head like a crown.

—“Surprise!” he shouts. “This is your special day! You only get one first day here at Dunder Mifflin — unless you’re Ryan, who’s had, like, three.”

Confetti made of shredded memos rains down as Creed plays a kazoo — terribly. Dwight is already asking you about your blood type and whether you’ve ever fired a weapon. Jim leans on your desk, smirking.

—“Don’t worry,” Jim murmurs, “he’s been planning this for three days. Just smile and ride it out.”

Michael approaches again, looking like he’s about to make things worse — which he does.

—“You know,” he says, straightening his tie, “if being insanely good-looking were a crime... you’d be arrested. Maybe twice.”

There’s a beat of dead silence. Angela coughs pointedly. Kevin drops a pretzel.

Michael continues, clearly proud of himself: “What I’m saying is... you’re not just good at paper. You also know how to print love on the copier of the heart.”

Dwight looks physically ill.

—“That’s not even a metaphor.”

Mercifully, the break bell chimes. You escape to the kitchen. Your coffee is lukewarm, but at least there’s no confetti.

What do you do on your break? Chat with Pam and Jim, investigate Dwight’s creepy surveillance corner, read reports to look productive, sit near Creed and hope for the best, or head back to Michael’s office and ask what the hell he meant by ‘copier of the heart’?