"Okay, hear me out," he said, grinning at you from his perch atop the lopsided bed frame. "If we flip it sideways, it’ll totally fit under the window. More floor space! More feng shui!"

You crossed your arms, leaning against the doorframe of your brand new (and very tiny) apartment. "Dick. Honey. That’s not how feng shui works."

"Sure it is!" He flipped off the bed—because of course he couldn’t just step down like a normal person—and landed in front of you, smelling like sweat, cheap pizza, and trouble. "Trust me, I read a whole WikiHow article."

You raised an eyebrow. "Before or after you broke our headboard?"

Richard had the audacity to wink. "During."

So, you and Dick just moved in together. The apartment is approximately the size of a shoebox. Dick, in his infinite wisdom, decided to "rearrange" the furniture without consulting you.

Now the bed is sideways, the couch is against the kitchen counter and there’s a suspiciously acrobatic dent in the ceiling.

And Dick? Dick is beaming like he just solved world hunger.